HIF 17

I want to give up on life

The sunset was painting the sky outside the window in fiery hues.

Raen stirred from his languid state inside the room. He had holed up since lunchtime, and already so much time had flown by.

‘Am I doing this right?’

A vague sense of unease washed over him.

The Rifts were constantly growing, appearing larger than ever, but what he was uncovering were mere fragments, woefully inadequate to complete the grand puzzle that was this world. New phenomena kept emerging, and hypotheses only multiplied.

Among them were hypotheses he hoped were wrong, and others he hoped were right. The former far outnumbered the latter.

‘No, nothing is certain yet.’

He forcibly cut off the train of thought. Now was not the time to be lost in contemplation.

‘Right. Yi-han. The magic I gave him must be wearing off soon.’

He figured he should ask if he needed any more magic while he was at it. He moved towards the next room, the one Seon Yi-han and Song Ha-gyun shared.

Come to think of it, the two of them had quite similar auras.

Song Ha-gyun, when he mentioned that Seon Yi-han had healed his injury, had maintained a composed expression. Even though he knew very well that things like healing magic didn’t exist, he didn’t seem surprised.

Or, perhaps he was surprised. He just didn’t show it. Song Ha-gyun had been like that since his days at the academy. Despite the considerable time they had spent together, he wasn’t one to readily share his stories or thoughts.

Seon Yi-han was the same. Though he seemed soft and gentle on the surface, he always seemed to keep a step back, as if there was a line drawn.

Lost in thought, he quickly arrived at the room. The door was slightly ajar. Red sunset light streamed through the gap. And,

‘Blood?’

A faint, metallic scent of blood permeated the air. His nerves stood on end.

Was it Song Ha-gyun? Was he hurt somewhere? What if Seon Yi-han was hurt? He had said that healing magic couldn’t be used on himself, so it would be a disaster. With trembling steps, he pushed the door open slightly.

Creak.

Behind the quietly opened door was Seon Yi-han. Seon Yi-han was sitting on a hard wooden chair placed right in front of the window, leaning back against the chair with his body half-turned.

A faint smile graced his lips as he sat with his knees drawn up, looking somehow precarious.

The sunset pouring in through the window headed straight for Seon Yi-han. His thin white clothes glowed with a soft sunset light.

And his left sleeve was rolled up to his elbow. Touching his slender, white forearm was,

‘A knife?’

A chillingly sharp blade. Blood was dripping down in droplets.

The sight of the small knife held in his white hand felt out of place. The small smile on his face conveyed a sense of relief, as if he was finally accomplishing something he had long awaited.

“Yi-han?”

He called out Seon Yi-han’s name as if to grasp at it, struck by the unfamiliar scene.

Seon Yi-han slowly turned his head towards him. Above a face cast in shadow by the sunset, blue eyes shone alone.

Seon Yi-han’s eyes, turned towards him, were shaking violently. As if he was flustered to have been caught showing a side he didn’t want to be seen.

“Why… No, Yi-han. Wait, just wait a moment.”

His mind wasn’t working. He had to stop him first.

‘Why? No, since when?’

He saw bandages scattered haphazardly on the floor. They were stained with dark red blood. Bandages with magic cast on them to mask the scent of blood.

Where did he get those? From Song Ha-gyun’s room? There was a reason he hadn’t noticed until now.

Was this an impulsive act? Or a habit? Seeing him hyperventilate that first day, it seemed like something bad had happened before.

He had subtly asked about it several times since then, but Seon Yi-han only repeated that he was fine.

‘I should have paid more attention.’

He had suspected that Seon Yi-han was someone who didn’t talk about his problems. So, even if he was having a hard time, he would just keep it bottled up inside.

Did he touch Seon Yi-han’s memories once, and that’s why he couldn’t bear it anymore?

Emotions that aren’t released fester in the heart, and emotions that fester in the heart eventually rot. People slowly crumble from the unseen places like that.

He, more than anyone, knew that well.

Drip.

The blood flowing from Seon Yi-han’s arm was pooling on the floor. The sight was like tears leaking from someone who was falling apart.

Seon Yi-han, meeting his eyes, smiled brightly. He struggled to lift the corners of his trembling mouth, forcing a smile as if nothing was wrong.

Seeing that, his heart plummeted. Red droplets of blood and a red sunset. In a world entirely dyed crimson, only Seon Yi-han, with his clear blue eyes, was smiling, purely reflecting him.

Untainted, as if detached.

“…Yi-han.”

His eyes felt like they were burning.

So much anxiety and uncertainty. He was someone who couldn’t even properly support himself, but.

Even so, he dared to think that he wanted to reach out to him.

Because he was the one here. Because he was the one who saw Seon Yi-han’s pain before his eyes. So, he didn’t want to leave Seon Yi-han to crumble like this.

The dripping droplets of blood were etched vividly into his mind.

◇

Raen moved in front of him in an instant. Then, he carefully took the knife from his hand.

The tips of Raen’s fingers were trembling. He felt a sense of desperation from that. He didn’t need the knife anymore either, so he willingly released his grip.

The pouring sunset seemed to dye everything in the room red. Perhaps that was why Raen’s eyes also looked red. Raen quietly captured him in his bright golden eyes.

Raen, who had been biting his lip for a long time, slowly opened his mouth. The moment Raen said something, a blue Status Window popped up with a cheerful sound.

The timing was impeccable. At the same time, his vision went dark.

Rustle.

It looked like a laboratory. Song Ha-gyun, wearing a Monocle and recording something in a notebook, was visible.

Right in front of Song Ha-gyun, a large glass container was floating. Inside, a pile of gray debris was stacked. Based on what he had seen in the previous Future Sight, it seemed to be the remains of Monsters.

A crystal ball was placed on the desk. Song Ha-gyun lightly tapped the end of his pen on the crystal ball. A picture that looked like a map floated above it.

Several clear X marks were drawn on the map. Song Ha-gyun lightly touched one part with his fingertip. Then, the same mark was drawn there as well.

Whoosh.

And in an instant, his mind returned.

As soon as his vision cleared, the Status Window came into view.

He was hanging his head low. He could see the hem of Raen’s Robe in front of him.

He lifted his head. Raen was holding his left arm up and pressing down hard on the wound with a cloth. The hand touching him was still trembling.

Raen, who had been clutching the cloth that was turning red, met his eyes. Somehow, Raen’s golden eyes seemed to be sparkling transparently. His expression was strange, as if he was neither smiling nor crying.

“Yi-han.”

Even though his body was still trembling, Raen spoke in a firm voice.

“Did you want to… end your life?”

A clear drop fell down Raen’s cheek.

Raen’s expression, however, remained unchanged. There wasn’t even a slight tremor in his voice. Was he seeing things? He shook his head slightly. Then Raen continued.

“Then. Was it so hard that you wanted to end your life?”

Transparent teardrops streamed from the eyes looking at him. Raen was crying without making a sound. There wasn’t even a small sob.

Wait a minute. It seemed like Raen was seriously misunderstanding something.

He shook his head urgently. He had to explain something, but his mouth wouldn’t open, perhaps because he didn’t have anything to say.

That he did it for the skill upgrade? That wouldn’t do. That he wanted to see the future? But if he was asked why, he wouldn’t have an answer. He was just trying to level up the skill for later.

“Raen, I won’t do that anymore.”

It was better to say this than to sound like a clumsy excuse. He had to sort out the situation for now.

And this wasn’t a lie. Now that the Future Sight skill had been upgraded to intermediate, he didn’t need to cut his arm anymore.

Raen, looking at him, was biting his lip tightly. Transparent tears were still streaming down his cheeks.

“Yi-han. I know I’m not reliable.”

Suddenly? He didn’t know what context Raen was bringing this up in. And Raen was a reliable person. He was good at magic, and he was competent enough to help Song Ha-gyun with Rift research.

Of course, Raen still didn’t seem to trust him, as the Mandatory Quest success notification hadn’t popped up yet.

“Still, if it’s okay with me. I wish you would tell me.”

Raen, who had quietly continued speaking, slightly lifted the cloth he had been pressing down to stop the bleeding to check. Then he lowered his arm. The bleeding had almost stopped.

Raen reached out and gently placed his hand on his head. The warmth that touched him and then fell away seemed to linger clearly.

“Keeping things bottled up is harder than you think.”

Raen said that and smiled bitterly. Raen, who wiped away the flowing tears as if it were nothing, summoned a bottle filled with red liquid. As he poured the liquid on his forearm, Raen continued.

“It might sting a little.”

“It’s okay, Raen. It doesn’t hurt.”

Thanks to the System, he didn’t feel any pain, so it was really okay. He didn’t want to make him worry for nothing.

Raen frowned slightly and quickly relaxed his expression. Then he opened his mouth in a choked voice.

“Even if it seems okay, it’s not okay.”

Raen carefully wiped the liquid he had poured on his forearm with a thin cloth. The slight touch of his fingers tickled. Raen soon took out a new bandage and wrapped it around his arm as he continued.

“Slowly, tell me anytime. I’ll wait, Yi-han.”

The straight gaze that met his was piercingly clear. The red light of the sunset illuminated Raen’s face. There were faint traces of tears left.

‘Then, will Raen trust me?’

He suddenly wanted to ask that. The Mandatory Quest had not yet been completed. Of course, even if he succeeded, it would be difficult to say that this place might be inside a game, that he could see the System Window and was given quests. So, telling Raen everything as it was, and asking him honestly. He knew very well that it would never happen.

He swallowed the words that had risen to his throat. Somehow, his heart ached.

Soon, the sound of footsteps and voices echoing on the first floor flowed through the open door. It seemed like everyone had returned.

“I hope you don’t tell anyone about this, Raen.”

Raen stiffened at his words.