HIF 32

What Kind of Fate is Yours?

I met Seon Yi-han’s gaze directly and spoke. “Let’s go together.”

For a moment, Yi-han’s eyes seemed to sparkle. The sunlight pouring in was too bright. It was dazzling.

I had closed my eyes reflexively. When I opened them again right away, Yi-han’s figure, still seeming to glow alone, filled my vision. Yi-han was smiling. As if relieved, or as if he had expected this. It was a bright smile.

Without realizing it, I reached out my hand. Somehow, Yi-han seemed too far away. As if I couldn’t reach him. Even though that couldn’t be true.

Rustle.

Yi-han’s soft hair brushed against my hand. I gently tousled his jet-black hair. Yi-han lifted his head and met my eyes.

I stared blankly at my own reflection, mirrored in his clear eyes. Then it suddenly occurred to me that my expression might have been stiff until now.

I painted a smile deeper than usual on my face. And I thought. ‘Yi-han-ah. What kind of fate is yours?’

Seon Yi-han, who had said he couldn’t die yet, had a serious expression. It wasn’t a childish, frivolous feeling. Nor was it baseless belief.

Yi-han was convinced. That it would truly be so. He seemed to firmly believe that his death had not yet approached.

How could he be so sure? Because he knows he’ll be safe for now? Or perhaps… does he know when his own life will end…?

My heart sank, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Yi-han looked up at me steadily as I silently swallowed my words. Still with that brightly smiling face.

I wanted to ask Yi-han. Have you, too, seen your fate?

‘What do you know, and to what extent?’

I suppressed the question rising to my throat. Because I knew it was a question I couldn’t get an answer to.

Conversely, even if Yi-han asked me, I wouldn’t be able to answer. Of course, Yi-han probably wouldn’t ask.

‘If you, too, have seen your fate.’

Did he have such thoughts? That this makes no sense. If everything is predetermined like this, then where is the meaning in my life?

Did he collapse for a long time like that, and eventually just give up and accept it?

‘Perhaps, the strange sensation I sometimes felt from Yi-han…’

When I was chosen as the Hero at the temple, the voice of the god that pierced my mind was somewhat eerie and chilling. I sometimes felt a similar sensation from Yi-han.

Whenever that happened, my expression would stiffen on its own. It felt as if that dark room from that day was unfolding before my eyes again. The terror of the moment I realized the fate imposed upon me swept over me.

‘But there’s no clear evidence that Yi-han has seen his fate.’

People view others through the lens of their own past. So, I might have been projecting that moment onto Yi-han. Being swept up by the upright and devout atmosphere Yi-han carried from his time at the temple, and having my heart momentarily shaken by the precarious glimpses he sometimes revealed.

‘…Or perhaps I just wish someone had a similar experience to mine.’

Whether Yi-han knew his fate or not wasn’t important.

If you, who sometimes look like even breathing is difficult yet try not to show it, then you must truly be living each moment to the fullest.

So if you have truly seen your fate as well,

‘I’ll watch from beside you, Yi-han-ah.’

All your choices, and every step you take.

For the first time, I was curious about someone’s fate. It was also the first time I saw someone whose fate seemed that heavy, yet who still persevered and moved forward.

‘When I was chosen as the Hero, I was exactly Yi-han’s current age.’

Yi-han looked as precarious as I was back then.

Even though I knew that standing up and moving forward was ultimately his own responsibility, I wanted to be by his side. No, I wanted to be there. At the very least, I hoped Yi-han wouldn’t have to bear that time alone. If he could hear the sound of footsteps keeping pace beside him even in the darkness, he would gain the strength to rise again.

…Even if only for the days permitted to me.

The chain of thought broke. Fortunately, Yi-han didn’t seem to notice my momentary awkwardness. I took a deep breath.

Yi-han was still standing upright right in front of me. I imprinted that sight into my eyes. It seemed as if Yi-han’s pure white clothes were fluttering faintly, as if in a breeze. Even though all the windows must be closed.

The hot sunlight pouring through the window shone as if enveloping Yi-han. Everything within my vision was dazzlingly bright. I couldn’t bring myself to look away.

◇

It was after we all arrived at the Forest of the Fallen Night. Everyone had left to look around the forest, leaving only Yi-han and me sitting by the campfire.

“Yi-han-ah, sleepy?”

Hearing my voice, Yi-han jerked his head up. He had been nodding off while tightly clutching a glass cup of cocoa with both hands. The eyes looking up at me were almost slack with sleepiness.

Yi-han, who seemed to understand the question, stared blankly for a while before slowly opening his mouth. His voice was tinged with drowsiness.

“…A little, I think I’m sleepy.”

Now I knew. Yi-han’s ‘a little’ had to be interpreted as ‘quite a lot.’ I gently took the glass cup that was tilting as if about to slip from his hand.

When I asked if he was going to sleep, Yi-han obediently nodded.

‘If I had been a little later, I might have had to let him sleep here.’

It was fortunate I wasn’t late. I moved with Yi-han towards the tent.

“Yul, it’s more… than I thought in here.”

Yi-han, who had entered the tent, opened his eyes wide and spoke as if impressed. His voice was clear, as if he had woken up during the short walk.

Should I have carried him? He seemed like he would fall asleep right away earlier. Thinking that, I lightly shook my head.

Still, he would probably fall asleep quickly once he lay on the bed. He seemed to be someone who slept a lot. Yi-han was always the first to fall asleep and the last to wake up.

Raen was the exception. He spent more time unable to sleep than asleep at night.

‘Is that okay?’

While not being able to fall asleep easily was a concern, falling asleep too easily was also a concern. Yi-han’s slender body, wrapped in fluttering clothes, came into view.

I asked if he wanted me to stay with him until he fell asleep, but Yi-han shook his head in surprise. As if it was completely unnecessary.

He seemed to dislike being alone in dark places. It must be a subconscious thing. In that case, there was no need to bring it up and point it out. I answered that I understood appropriately and moved to go outside.

“Alright. Rest well.”

Yi-han, who had been lost in thought and staring blankly, nodded slowly. I watched him wave his hand quietly.

Good. He’ll fall asleep soon. Smiling slightly, I stepped out of the tent. Cold air blew in. Pitch-black darkness was spread across the sky.

The campfire burning not too far and not too close was emitting light from below. White smoke was curling and rising into the sky.

It was a small light, but it was bright. It was a dark winter, but because of that, it shone all the more.

I moved and sat on the neatly trimmed log. For a long time, I watched the campfire crackling and burning right in front of me.

The smell of burning wood subtly permeated the cold air. I didn’t dislike this smell.

I waved my hand and tidied up the stick used to roast marshmallows and the cocoa cup Yi-han had drunk from. The sweet scent still seemed to linger at the tip of my nose. The image of Yi-han’s face, startled with a large marshmallow stuffed in his mouth, came to mind. One cheek had been puffed up like a bun.

It was a moment to laugh without making a sound, considering Yi-han was probably sleeping. A faint smell of blood came from somewhere. All my senses sharpened. The instincts honed upon becoming a Hero followed the direction of the blood smell.

‘A Rift? No, that’s not it. This direction is…’

I moved towards the tent. And the moment I carefully lifted the fabric at the entrance,

“Yi-han-ah.”

My voice came out without my realizing it. A faint, fishy smell of blood was spreading in the air. I saw Yi-han, his white sleeve stained red.

Yi-han’s head was slightly tilted back. His gaze was directed at empty space. It was a blank stare, impossible to tell what he was looking at.

Hearing my voice, Yi-han slowly turned his head. The blank light in the blue eyes meeting mine had disappeared, and focus had returned.

Yi-han’s sleeve covering his mouth came clearly into view. The area stained with blood was considerable.

Yi-han, who had been blinking quietly, raised his other hand and covered his mouth once more. He looked calm, as if it wasn’t a surprising situation at all.

Thump. I thought I heard the sound of a heart dropping. If so, this was probably the sound of my own heart.

With great effort, I regained my composure and hurriedly approached Yi-han. Yi-han stared at me intently.

“…Yul.”

“Keep your head down.”

Coughing up blood with his head tilted back… I remembered Yi-han mentioning before that he occasionally had episodes of hemoptysis. But the fact that he wasn’t even doing this basic thing properly…

‘Is he not paying attention to it?’

Yi-han had repeatedly said something. That he was fine, so please don’t worry. But did he really think that himself? That his condition was okay right now?

That couldn’t be. In the first place, it made no sense for his physical condition to be okay while coughing up blood.

I gently pressed Yi-han’s slender neck to direct his head downward. The skin I touched was cold. I slowly rubbed his back, which held no warmth at all.

When I asked if he was feeling very unwell, Yi-han flinched. Then, after a long interval, he slowly raised his head. The expression on the face that met mine looked composed.

“I will keep being with you.”

There wasn’t a trace of wavering in the voice that said that.

Did ‘keep being with you’ refer to this moment? Or a slightly more distant future? It was difficult to guess the deeper meaning of those words.

Yi-han’s voice sounded as if he was making a vow to himself. As if earnestly wishing for it.

“Yi-han-ah, you…”

I spoke without thinking, then firmly closed my mouth.

Why are you saying such things? I swallowed the rising question. At least, it wasn’t something to ask now.

Naturally changing the subject, I carefully examined Yi-han’s condition. The hemoptysis had stopped, but his complexion was still pale.

Yi-han, lying down, slowly closed his drowsy, unfocused eyes. Then, as if fainting, he soon fell into sleep.

The sound of even breathing quietly echoed in the silence. I stood motionless before him for a long time.