HIF 31

Because I Can’t Die Yet

A faint light shimmered and spread the moment Park Yul’s fingertips brushed past. I could feel my mouth, which had been sticky with blood, become clean. Park Yul’s hand slid away smoothly.

The blood that had stained the floor and my sleeve was also gone. It seemed he had used Clean magic. The long gauge bar was now completely empty as well.

“Yi-han-ah. You…”

Park Yul didn’t continue his sentence and simply closed his mouth. I think this was the first time I’d seen Park Yul like this—always composed, but usually speaking and giving instructions without hesitation.

Park Yul gently stroked my head. Then, smiling as usual again, he spoke.

“You were really surprised, weren’t you?”

I shook my head lightly. Of course, my heart had dropped when he caught me vomiting blood, but there was no need to tell the truth. Saying it would only make him worry unnecessarily. I had to pass over this topic as nonchalantly as possible.

Park Yul stared at me intently with a thoughtful expression, then patted the blanket. The fluffy blanket sank deeply under his touch.

As I watched that, Park Yul slowly continued speaking.

“Want to sleep a little?”

I was tired. Mentally. But I wasn’t sleepy. Silently, I met Park Yul’s gaze. Park Yul narrowed his eyes, smiled, and gave a slight flick of his hand.

The thick blanket unfurled with a whoosh, and a gentle breeze wafted. For a moment, it felt like the scent of flowers brushed past.

With him even spreading the blanket like this, I couldn’t not lie down. It definitely wasn’t that I wanted to sleep. It was better to at least show him me lying down until he left. That way, he’d worry a little less.

As I dawdled and lay down on the spot, Park Yul lightly draped the blanket over me.

“Sleep well, Yi-han-ah.”

Park Yul’s voice sounded faint. The pillow touching my head was warm and cozy. The blanket was the same. My eyes slid shut. I really hadn’t planned on falling asleep…?

Maybe I was more fatigued than I thought. Anyway, a lot had happened.

I felt a hand brushing my hair back. A subtle floral scent was spreading around me. In my drowsy state, I think I faintly heard Park Yul’s voice too. I couldn’t tell what he was saying, though.

And just like that, I fell into sleep in an instant. It had been quite a while since I’d fallen asleep as if passing out like this.

◇

Park Yul gazed down at Seon Yi-han’s pale, still-sleeping face for a long time. Then, he suddenly recalled Seon Yi-han’s faint voice calling his name.

-Yul.

It was their first meeting. Clothes fluttering white in the autumn wind and shining, pale blue eyes. Seon Yi-han had captured his reflection within calm, serene, water-colored eyes.

After hearing the news that someone new would be joining, he had agonized over Seon Yi-han for days. The brief message from the Temple, ‘will be helpful,’ was naturally insufficient to immediately place Seon Yi-han within the circle.

But when he actually faced Seon Yi-han, he realized how young he still was. In fact, the one he needed to be wary of from the start wasn’t Seon Yi-han. Seventeen, an age where one doesn’t know everything about the world. Seon Yi-han must have just been pushed here by the burden of having to save the world.

Suddenly, the Hero’s Oath from some time ago came to mind. Min Joo-hyuk, Song Ha-gyun, and Raen were the same. Honestly, he hadn’t wanted to make a Hero’s Oath. One Hero was enough. Yet, in the end, they had no choice but to be together like this.

Because the world was always cruel, and even more harsh than that was,

‘This thing called fate.’

Yes, fate was always harsh and cold.

It was the day he was chosen as the Hero of this generation and summoned to the Temple. The pitch-black room he walked into alone at dawn. What the being called a god showed him that day was his, and the world’s, fate.

A dark red, dead sky where it was impossible to tell if it was day or night, countless large Rifts tearing the void to shreds, and his own figure standing alone beneath them. The moment a flashing blade crushed his pulsating heart within the crumbling world, the impending moment of destruction, approaching every second, would scatter and disappear without a trace, as if it had all been just a momentary dream.

The peace that had been maintained, and would be maintained. It would flow into the black Temple that had turned to dust and scattered, be reborn anew, and then choose someone else who must grip a sword hilt to overcome the next crisis.

He hadn’t particularly believed in the existence of a god until then. But now, he couldn’t deny that existence.

‘A predetermined future.’

A well-set chessboard. Pieces moving as designed. And the conclusion that would ultimately be reached, predetermined from the very beginning.

He couldn’t see all of it in detail, but he could vaguely sense the major threads. And in fact, that was more cruel. Because no matter what the intermediate process was like, it seemed only the conclusion was firmly set.

What would happen to him in the future, and how it would ultimately end in the end. The moment he learned of such a fate,

‘…Why?’

What he felt was a strange sense of futility. Deep despair was instead empty.

He wanted to argue with someone, tell them not to talk nonsense, but there was no one to argue with. There was no way to reach the god whose existence he had just learned of, and telling the people around him would only increase the number of people carrying a pitch-black void.

He quietly sank down inside the dark room where he couldn’t see an inch ahead. He closed his eyes as if squinting. His vision swam from the things rising in his mind as if being engraved.

And at some point, he thought this: It’s only natural.

Humans are powerless before nature. Even if it rains, there’s no way to stop that rain. No matter how skilled a magic user is, they cannot control nature.

Fate must be similar. One can feel powerless at being unable to stop the falling rain, but the only difference before fate is that one doesn’t even know one’s own powerlessness and is simply dragged along.

So it wasn’t such a special or different thing. Thinking quietly, it wasn’t something he couldn’t accept.

Moreover, the existence being dragged along, walking the already-drawn path, wasn’t just him alone.

It didn’t take that long to raise his collapsed body again. A faint laugh escaped his now calmer heart.

Still, it was fortunate. If someone had to bear this fate, perhaps it was better that it was him. Because he was accustomed to doing his best with the time given to him.

‘But Seon Yi-han, how…?’

Raen’s words that there was no such thing as healing magic weren’t wrong. Because people getting hurt and suffering were all due to that fate. Going against fate was impossible.

But Seon Yi-han really used healing magic. And not just once or twice.

‘How is that possible?’

Surely Seon Yi-han must also be an existence walking fate. Like everyone else.

Yet, being able to use healing magic that defied the world’s rules was something he couldn’t understand the reason for.

“…Yi-han-ah.”

Lost in thought, he let out a voice without realizing it. He snapped back to attention. Seon Yi-han’s still-sleeping face filled his vision.

A quiet breathing sound was heard. He raised his hand and slowly brushed the cheek. Perhaps because he was asleep, the soft cheek felt warm to the touch.

Seon Yi-han was an unknowable person. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t take his eyes off him.

‘I hadn’t planned on bringing him this far together.’

He quietly brushed back the jet-black hair. Past events vividly came to mind again.

◇

“I won’t be a hindrance.”

Seon Yi-han’s calm, uttered voice pierced his ears. It was when, before leaving for the Forest of the Fallen Night, he had asked them to wait a moment. There wasn’t a trace of wavering in Seon Yi-han’s expression.

Seon Yi-han continued in a composed voice.

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

Seon Yi-han blinked slowly, thought for a moment, then suddenly smiled brightly. And he concluded.

“Because it’s okay even if I get hurt or something.”

A peaceful face, as if it were nothing, filled his vision. His fingertips felt like they were turning cold. An even brighter smile appeared on Seon Yi-han’s face.

“I can use healing magic, right? It’s safer if I go along.”

It was a firm voice. Sunlight was pouring in right behind Seon Yi-han. Seon Yi-han slowly tilted his head. The glowing blue eyes met Min Joo-hyuk’s.

“I know there’s Defense magic. I know you’ve done well until now, I know it all.”

Having said that, Seon Yi-han continued with a hint of bitterness.

“But worldly affairs, they don’t always go as expected, right? If I go along, it’ll be okay even in an unexpected situation.”

Min Joo-hyuk’s eyes directed at Seon Yi-han were shaking violently.

Seon Yi-han’s words were right. Moreover, using Defense magic was primarily Min Joo-hyuk’s role. Min Joo-hyuk must have felt a great burden too.

But did that ‘unexpected situation’ include Seon Yi-han’s own situation? Seon Yi-han didn’t seem to pay any attention to the possibility of himself getting hurt or wounded.

Seon Yi-han’s voice continued slowly.

“So, I’ll go along too.”

Min Joo-hyuk clenched his fist tightly, then released it. His gaze was still fixed on Seon Yi-han. Min Joo-hyuk wore an expression of not knowing what to say.

“And, actually…”

Seon Yi-han’s words continued slowly, as if hesitating. Seon Yi-han bowed his head deeply, then raised it again. Then, looking at Song Ha-gyun, he opened his mouth.

“I don’t want to be alone here.”

Seon Yi-han fidgeted slightly with his sleeve. Song Ha-gyun silently took in that sight.

“It’s too big here.”

The following words, ‘because I don’t like being left alone at night,’ sounded like a muttered soliloquy. Seon Yi-han’s eyes were dazedly unfocused. He didn’t seem aware he was speaking.

Seon Yi-han, who had flinched for a moment, regained focus in his eyes. Seon Yi-han, who had instantly returned to a composed-looking expression, turned his head. Seon Yi-han’s direct gaze met Raen’s wavering eyes.

“Last time, my wound healed quickly too, right?”

Raen bit his lip hard. Despite the bright sunlight streaming through the window, Raen’s face looked a little pale. Seon Yi-han spoke in a light voice.

“Even though I can’t use healing magic on myself, it seems major wounds heal on their own.”

Seon Yi-han’s face, as he continued saying ‘that’s fortunate,’ held not a shred of doubt. He truly looked like he thought it was fortunate.

“How?”

The words escaped me without thinking.

How can you be sure it heals on its own? Maybe you were just lucky this time. Next time could be different. And you can’t know if it was truly healed perfectly without aftereffects.

Yet, Seon Yi-han, how can you say it so nonchalantly?

Through the dizzying thoughts, Seon Yi-han’s clear voice was heard.

“Yul.”

The sunlight pouring down behind Seon Yi-han was so bright it was blinding. Seon Yi-han captured his reflection within blue eyes that shone even more clearly than that.

I looked at Seon Yi-han, who was staring at me without even blinking. Seon Yi-han smiled brightly and opened his mouth.

“I can’t die yet.”

What are you talking about? For a moment, my head felt completely empty. Seon Yi-han’s words, not understood, spun around in my head.

Seon Yi-han, who had been observing my expression, let out an ‘ah’ as if realizing something. Then he hurriedly continued.

“So…. For a long while. Um, it’s hard to explain…”

Seon Yi-han, who had looked momentarily flustered, soon regained his composure. And he continued in a calm voice.

“The important thing is, I’m saying I’ll be okay.”

Seon Yi-han slightly lowered his eyes. It was a relaxed expression. As if he had said all he wanted to say, his usual languid voice continued.

“In any situation. So.”

“Alright, Yi-han-ah.”

Seon Yi-han’s gaze abruptly turned toward me. His eyes were quietly settled, waiting for the words to follow. But he didn’t look tense.

As if he already had an idea of what he might hear from me.